Sakura Saku
by Miles Edgeworth
Summary: AU: Robin's a twoyear loser sidekick who's desperately trying to go Solo when he suddenly becomes the leader of a superhero team... of girls! Romance! Adventure! Amazingly Indestructable Robin!
1. Bohemian Rhapsody

_**Sakura Saku**_

_Description: AU. Robin is a sidekick, trying to become a solo hero, when he ends up alone, hungry, and without a place to stay. Now… how'd he end up being the leader of an all-female team of superheroes? (Inspired by the Loser Guy – Cute Girls formula of… ... … er… every anime ever.)_

_Disclaimer: Not mine, and don't try and sue me for it, 'cause I'm a poor college student, dammit!_

Episode 1: _BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY_

_Act 1 – I'm just a poor boy…_

"Since when did the Federal Government mandate Super Hero Testing?" Robin moaned, looking over the sheet in front of him. "I just had to pick now to go Solo. It's not like Batman had to fill out these papers."

Though the thought did amuse him. Batman, cowl and all, fuming over the little questions that they pulled out from the blue, and just scribbling the notes on there. He wondered, too, if he'd be in the same mess he was in right this moment.

He looked at the questions – Name, Powers, IQ – and filled out them pretty easily. Then he got to the first real question on the test.

"There is a burning building. You can only save one person, what do you do?" He rubbed the back of his head, "Is this some kind of trick question? How many people are in that building?"

He filled down something, and moved on to the next, "Your mother is ailing, but at the same time your archnemesis has begun to attack your city. How do you divide the time to make the most of it?"

"Wonderful," he filled in 'N/A' and moved on.

"What is your favorite color?"

Robin skipped it.

"This is the capital of Arizona."

"Phoenix?" he put down. "Why would I have to know the answer to that to be a superhero?"

It went on like this for approximately an hour, at which point he felt pretty confident. The questions really seemed easier this year, and his hard work was really starting to pay off. Which was great, considering his rent was about to run out and he couldn't exactly find a job with all the studying he had to do.

And if he went solo super-heroing without a license…

He did not want to be a third year sidekick.

XXXXX

"So, I'm resigning from my post as leader of the team!" said the older woman, "I'm just getting too old to be taking on this whole Teen thing, and, well, I want to move on with my life. Maybe move to Bermuda before I get too old for it."

"You're only 24," commented one of the four girls watching. She was dressed up like a bee, "That wouldn't be that old. I know people 82 who moved there and started dating muscle-bound dorks on the side."

"Be that as it may, the thought repulses me," said the older woman.

"But, but, Flamebird! What about us? The team!" Bumblebee demanded, taking a stance. "I can't keep on the team without an older supervisor to… hey, where are you going, Raven!"

The dark one looked over, "I have much to attend to this week," she said curtly. "Now, if you will kindly let go." Her eyes flared up angrily as Bumblebee noticed she was holding onto the cape rather tightly. "Thank you."

She left, fading into the floor.

Then, looking over at the other girl, who was blonde and apparently half-asleep. "Terra…?" the girl just collapsed on the couch, "Wake up! This is important! We can't continue this without a leader." She nodded, "Okay! I'll be the leader!"

"But there's nothing happening," Terra muttered, "And I was up late last night playing video games. Can't I just sleep?"

"Well, uh," Bumblebee stuttered, "Okay?"

"Thanks," she said, but she was already asleep as the syllable escaped her lips.

"Jinx!" Bumblebee then turned to. The girl was lurching to her bed.

"Too early. Want sleep."

"It's almost noon!" Bumblebee complained. "Why are you still sleeping?"

"Partied all last night," Jinx answered. "See you in a few hours." The door slammed shut and the sound of her snoring could be heard.

"We're doomed! Doomed!"

"Oh, don't be like that!" Flamebird said, waving her hand, "I've gotten everything already taken care of, don't you worry."

XXXXX

"I'm doomed. Doomed!" Robin muttered.

"It isn't that bad, man," Cyborg commented, looking quite pleased with himself. "After all, you're only in the bottom twelve in the national index." He presented the physical evidence, which only made Robin sob harder.

"And hey, at this rate, we'll be third year sidekicks together! We could form a band or something." Beast Boy, shorter, more obnoxious, and just plain annoying, had piped in at this point. "So don't be so glum."

"But, but!"

"But what?" Cyborg asked.

"I have to be somewhere," he said. Now, he wondered why he had been called to the Jump City Tower. Then it hit him, "Oh yes, that's right. An old friend of mine wanted to talk to me. So I guess I can't stay and chat, so, see ya guys!" He ran away.

"Get back here, you coward!" the two of them gave chase. They just weren't fast enough, he seemed to have already gotten to the stairs.

If they had looked at the window, they would have noticed that it was open, and on the ground was a very, very confused looking Robin.

"How, how did I fall through that…?"

XXXXX

The Tower was a Giant T. That's quaint, Robin thought, cradling himself on a makeshift crutch. "I finally made it!" he said, collapsing at the foot of the lake. He looked at it, then at himself, "Oh great, now I have to swim."

One lake traversed, and one soggy pair of clothes later, Robin was at the island with the giant Tower looming overhead. He sneezed, "Better change out of these," he thought aloud, then began to remove his uniform. He stumbled into the Tower.

Then the alarms went off. And he was now only wearing a pair of soggy pants.

"Oh great. What's going on?"

The Tower, when he was younger, was the clubhouse for him and a few younger sidekicks to just have a little fun every once in a while. Back then it had a bridge connecting it, and it didn't have quite as loud an alarm, to his memory.

"Hello? Is something wrong?" he called.

There was a buzzing sound, and then he was knocked clean on his back. A fairy-like girl said. "Great, a break-in by some two-bit thief!" She noticed his state of undress, "And a pervert, too! That's it."

"No, wait, I can explain!" It was too late, she had already drawn from her side two B shaped weapons, and grown to suddenly human proportions.

"Save your explanations for after your punishment, evildoer!" The Bs began to surge with power. It was only due to his quick reactions that he managed to dodge the stinger as it shot. "Stand still!"

"If I do that, you're going to shoot me!"

"Exactly!"

He ducked and weaved and dodged through the hall, coming to a stairway and an elevator. He took the stairs.

"What's going on in this crazy house," he said, coming to the top floor. "It hasn't been this long, has it?" He looked around, "The place looks great! Very modern!"

The elevator opened up, and he was kicked in the back of the head, "Now I got you!" the bumblebee girl said. "Now, surrender and maybe I'll go easy on you!"

"I'm not here to fight! I just came here to see an old friend of mine!"

"You'll find no friends to a pervert thief like you!"

"I'm not a thief!" then a long pause, "Or a pervert! Where'd you get a crazy notion like that!"

"You're almost naked!" she yelled. "In an All-Girl Super Team's base of operation!"

"Wait, all – girl?" Robin said. He didn't get farther than that when small pebbles started to assault him.

"Take this, Super Pervert! And that!" said a younger voice. She was laughing with glee. "Bumblebee, you should have waited for me! I haven't had this much fun in ages!"

"What are – Ow! – you – Ow! – doing?" he demanded. Then he noticed the size of the next rock (read: impressively large) and jumped to his feet, dodging past the shocked Bumblebee with his agility. "I've got to find my way out of here before more of them arrive!"

He ran up the stairs to the roof, only to remember how long a way down it was. "Oh great, I've fallen from enough buildings for one day!"

"So surrender, and we'll let you go without hurting you!" Terra answered. "Well, after you answer to the authorities."

"I'm not a thief!" Robin yelled.

"You're a panty thief too?" Terra yelled, "Oh, we can't let you go that easily."

"You're not listening at all! My name's Robin, and I'm here to see – "

"Oh, Robin, there you are." Flamebird leaned against the doorframe from the Tower. "Was waiting for you down in the underwater passage. What took you?"

"Bette!" he ran to his old friend. She hit him in the head.

"Flamebird," she corrected.

XXXXXX

"So, that's why I called you here," she said. "Sorry to lay it down on all of you so suddenly, but it was trouble getting in contact with you."

"No, no way!" Bumblebee protested. "There is no way that he'll be the team leader! I'll challenge him for the title if I have to!"

"Uh, Flamebird, isn't this an all-girl team?" Robin asked, quietly.

"Well, I didn't know any other girls on the team when we were still the Teen Titans, so I gave you a ring. You're a natural leader. Strong, assertive, and… apparently soaking wet. Did you swim?"

"Yes, since you didn't tell me that you made the bridge go under water!"

"Sorry!" she said, looking a bit ditzy for the moment, "It just slipped my mind. But a solo hero like you, you should be able to handle this right?"

"But I'm –"

"A solo hero!" Terra exclaimed, then paused. "What's that?"

"A Solo Hero is a superhero that doesn't belong to a team or a sidekick, they're respected and looked up to," Bumblebee answered. "I'm trying to become one, someday, myself."

"Really?" Terra said, "You'd leave us?"

"'course not! But I'd like to be solo someday. So Mr. Solo Hero, where do you operate?" Bumblebee asked, hands on her hips.

"Well, I was looking at Bludhaven…"

"That place is a mess!" Terra exclaimed. "I've been all around. Terra's the name, rock and rolling's my game. How's it going, Mr. Robin sir!"

"Uh, hi," was all he managed.

"So, the big leagues? Haven't we met before?" Bumblebee asked. "Or am I just getting a sense of déjà vu?"

"Uh," Robin thought quickly, nothing coming to mind. "Not that I know of. Maybe it's just you?"

"Maybe," Bumblebee said, "But that kind of misses the whole Female Team thing. He shouldn't even be allowed to stay in the same building!"

"Would you rather the team fall apart?" Flamebird said. "Well, now that you're here, I guess I can get on my way. See ya!" she waved.

Robin waved back. But just as she closed the door his thought-processes raced forward. He no longer had her to back him up, and the look Bumblebee was giving him made him worried for his life.

"So, uh, how'd you girls end up here?" he asked, lamely.

The look on Terra's face was ecstatic. "Okay, back to playing!" The boulder knocked Robin down the stairs. Terra gave chase.

Bumblebee just sighed. "What have we gotten into?"

XXXXXX

XXXXXX

_Act 2 – Thunderbolts and Lightning, Very Very Frightening _

"Boulders… everywhere I look, stones and rocks!" Robin complained, hiding out in what he thought was an abandoned room. He heard footsteps, and the mocking cry of the younger member of the "Teen Titanesses" as she searched for her 'playmate'.

"It's like one of those stupid Japanese cartoons," he shivered. "Just one more reason to hate Japan."

"And what if they find out that Bette was wrong and that I'm still trying to get my license? This isn't going to end well, won't end well at all."

"I've got it! I'm going to dive into the lake and escape."

There was a yawn.

"What's all that racket out there?" a woman's voice said. She slinked out of bed and looked over at the man at her door. She rubbed her eyes, "I think I partied too hard last night," and promptly fell back onto her bed.

"Oh great, there's another one! I should have seen this one coming." He opened the door quietly and peeked out.

And found himself eye to eye with Bumblebee. "Now you're sneaking into our rooms? I knew we couldn't trust you!" Her hand reared back for a mighty punch, but Robin grabbed it and brought a finger to his lips.

"She's sleeping."

This startled Bumblebee.

"If you don't mind, where was the Leader's room? I think that one would have a computer linked to the main one, right?" Please let it have a key to getting out of here!

"Well, uh," Bumblebee thought. "Look, I know we're not getting off to the best start here, but I'd appreciate it if you'd just let it lie? I'll take care of leadership and…" Robin nodded again and again, hoping to hurry her along. "What I'm trying to say is, we don't need you, no matter what Bette said."

"Sure, sure. Just, I need to see if you can help me first, really quick?"

The door slid open, and the sleeping girl stuck her head out. "Do you two mind not flirting in front of my door?" the pink haired one asked. "I'm trying to get some sleep here!"

The door slammed shut.

Oh, he was going to get it now. Bumblebee reached for her Stingers, and she could feel the rage welling, and Robin could feel the intensity rising. It would take a miracle to save him this time.

-- Klaxons!

Oh the klaxons were a life-saver. "Trouble," Bumblebee said, rushing over to the main window. A button was pressed and a giant computer screen appeared. "Great, Plasmus." She shivered, "A girl's worst enemy, next to the pervert, is the walking zit monster."

"Well, that doesn't sound too bad," Robin commented. "What's he made out of, exactly?"

"Pus," she shrugged.

"Have you tried freezing it?"

"Yep."

"How about super-heating it?"

"Only makes it worse. The only sure-fire way to beat him is to put him to sleep. Let me handle that. Without Raven here, we're going to have a harder time of it than usual." She hit another button and spoke loudly, "Wake up girls, we've got business to take care of!"

Terra was first in, "You found my playmate! Hooray!" She grabbed onto Robin. "So, boss, what do we do?"

Jinx yawned, "What's a guy doing here anyway? I thought this was a girl's team." She was putting her hair up into pigtails. "And what's the zit thing doing back again? I thought we dealt with him already."

"Look, I don't know who released him, or why, but I'm sure we can take care of this," Bumblebee said, "Just the three of us."

"One, two, three, four – what about you, Bee?" Terra asked, Terra's finger having moved through along herself to Robin, then Jinx, then to her. Lingering, it accused her of something.

"I'm leading!"

"But Robin's our leader!" Terra said.

"He is?" Jinx asked, rubbing her eyes. "Nice to see some eye candy up front for a change."

"Why me?" Robin muttered.

"Listen! Jinx, Terra, we can handle this without him."

"Sure," Jinx said. "But what about Wonder Boy over there. Should we just leave him here?" She whispered aside to her, "What if he steals our unmentionables?"

"Urgh, I hate it when you're right," Bee said. "Okay, Wonder Boy, c'mon. We're going to show you how the girls play."

"Oh boy," Robin muttered, monotonously.

XXXXX

Plasmus was disgusting.

Oozing pus from every pore and every movement covering the ground with remnants of its putrid mass, the stench alone would drive a man mad. And yet, here the three girls – and one guy – of the Teen Titanesses were running headlong into the mess.

"Great, just great," Jinx muttered. "Thought we'd dealt with this guy!"

"Obviously he missed you," Robin commented. "So, what's the plan, Bee?"

"Bumblebee to you, buster," Bumblebee reacted. "Jinx, distract him. Terra, try and get through to that thick head of his with a brick. I'll try and find a way to get him unconscious."

Robin just watched.

"That's not going to work," he said. They didn't listen. Jinx was covered in slime before she could even start moving, and Terra's boulders just became a make-shift helmet for the massive mound of muck.

"Told you," Robin muttered.

"Well, smart guy, give us a hand if you're such a know it all," Bumblebee muttered. She stung at the big thing, but it just seemed to annoy him. He scratched the place she stung, and looked content.

"I, I'm just an itch!" she muttered. Robin sighed, and from a nearby store that Plasmus had wrecked in his rampage, something had caught his eye. Bumblebee tried to turn up the energy on her Bs in the meanwhile, but noticed what happened next. "Wait, what are you doing with that watch?" Robin was walking forward calmly with a watch in his hand. It was a pocket-watch, a rather old one. He spun it around, then began to swing it from left and right.

This seemed to catch Plasmus's attention.

"Listen to the sound of my voice," Robin said, soothingly, "You're becoming very, very tired."

Plasmus looked confused at first, but then the suggestion began to take hold. "Very tired. You wish to go to sleep, don't you? Good. Sleep."

The monster yawned loudly. Jinx, wiping the ooze off of her (designer! She insists) clothes, just watched the massive pile stagger from side to side until it slowly began to fall over onto her.

She flinched, but the incoming gunk didn't hit. Instead, a boy was sleeping peacefully in a pile of the substance that made up Plasmus. He didn't look at all aware that he was only in a pair of underpants.

"Well, that worked," Jinx said. "Nice thinking Wonder Boy. So, is that what you do? Hypnotist?"

"Nah," Robin said, "Just figured that it was kinda mindless so it'd be really open to suggestion. Looks like I was right." He shrugged. "No big deal, right?"

"Yes big deal!" Terra said, levitating on a rock, "That was awesome!" She jumped on his back, "Do it again! You were so cool!"

"Uh?" Robin asked.

"Hey, Bee, can we keep him?" Jinx asked.

"I, I," Bumblebee came up to Robin, looking him dead in the eye. "Don't steal my scenes again, got it?"

"Your scene?" Robin asked.

"That's right!" Bumblebee roared, "You moron!" She punched him, his movement going across the street like a pinball, until he hit a stop sign, which bent back, then forward, sending him flying off in a northward direction. It wagged back and forth for a few moments until it stopped. Bumblebee, her fist still in the follow through, pulled herself upright. She was quite pleased.

"And he is outta here!" Jinx cried, "That's a homerun, Bee!"

She scowled, "Jerk."

Terra grinned, "So, we should probably find him. C'mon, Jinx!"

XXXXX

Chu Hui looked up at the sound of screaming. "Ara ara," she muttered, "Looks like I've got visitors again."

The sound got closer, and the young boy skidded across the balcony, and into the penthouse. "Ouch," was all he said.

"My my, are you alive? That was quite a distance, young man."

"Yeah, I think so. I think that one qualified differently than most hits I receive," he muttered, "Either that or I'm getting super powers." He stood up, there was a lot of blood running down his face. "So! Uh, sorry!"

"That's quite all right." She offered him a cup, "Tea?"

XXXXX  
XXXXX

_Act 3: Anyway the Wind Blows_

"This is some good tea!" Robin said. "I must have the recipe!" He sipped the tea again. "Very nice. What did you say it was made from?"

"Oh, just some herbs I planted myself," she said, deciding that the slight amount of sake she put in for flavor wouldn't have to be discovered. "So, young man, you come flying into my penthouse and drink my tea, there must be quite an interesting story behind you and that dashing mask, hm?"

"Well, it's really because I annoyed some girl," Robin said. "I'm not sure what she was getting so angry about. I was just trying to help."

"Ah, yes," Chu Hui nodded, "I see. Your girlfriend probably felt that you were being insincere."

"She's not my girlfriend!" Robin announced. "She hates me, for one thing. And she's just a complete tomboy, not my type at all." He sighed, "It's not like Bette told me everything. She just said 'You're the leader now, ciao!' and left. It was not my choice!"

"So, you're the leader of the Titans now," she nodded. "You're quite resilient. And very strong."

"I'm not that great," Robin said. "That's part of the problem. They think I'm a full-fledged solo hero, but I'm just a second year failure. I'm just going to have to leave, even if it means I'm out of a place to live."

"And yet, what of the girls?" Chu Hui asked, calmly. "They need a leader, I know. I've seen them many times, they're unorganized, undisciplined. Not like you. You have a calmness to you, well-trained and disciplined." She poked him with her staff, "You're a tough cookie, too! I'm impressed! Not many people could just pop up from that. Even with super-powers."

"That's the thing, I don't have super powers. I just think the laws of physics are strange when that girl punches me. I mean, she can shrink and stuff, it's not like we should believe that gravity and momentum are hard and fast rules here."

She nodded, "That is certainly true! Now, how about we get you on your way home. You shouldn't let a little thing like being a man get in your way. I'm sure they'll enjoy the company. Oh yes, I remember being that age…" as she closed the door, she was unawares of the unseen eavesdropper. The miniature form hid carefully behind a potted plant.

"So that's where I recognize him from," Bee murmured, growing back to full size and flying down towards the ground. Terra, levitating on a rock, joined her, "C'mon Terra, let's go home."

"Why? We still haven't found Robin!"

"He'll be back before you know it. I'm sure he's fine."

"Okay!" Terra said, seeming fine with this. They met up with Jinx, and she insisted that they go the long way home.

They did, and they saw the elephant.

XXXXX

Robin was working hard on making sure everything was neat and clean. There was a lot of dust from Terra's rocks all over the place, so he was coughing and covered in dirt himself by the time he was through. He went last to the girls' bath quarters.

"Gee, glad I didn't go in here while everyone was chasing me. Then they'd call me a pervert for sure." He opened the door and was met with what had to be something completely out of place.

"How did they put a Grecian Bath in here?"

It was lushly decorated with ivory and gold painted tiling. There was the sound of running water from a tiny waterfall that descended into the pool. He could only whistle. "I can't say I'm not impressed."

"Dick Grayson, AKA Robin?" Robin turned around. Bumblebee was standing there looking quite imposing. "In the national index, you score in the bottom twelve on the Heroic Aptitude Test."

"H, hey, where'd you hear that?"

"Two guys were laughing about it when I got my results," she said. "So it was you! I'm surprised you have the guts to go around this place, cleaning it up, just so we'd forgive you?"

"That's not it!" Robin said. "Look, someone told me that maybe it'd be for the best if I was the leader, but, you're a good leader to and I'm just a two-year loser so… I was just making up for stealing your thunder out there."

"What?" Bumblebee's face lightened. "You're going?"

"I'm sorry," Robin said. "I just thought that it's the least I could do. After all the trouble I caused everyone. I'm not the hero everyone thinks I am, not yet anyway."

"But, that's not what I meant!" She walked closer to him, but her footing, on the wet floor, began to topple and she was sent careening right at him.

Robin, if he had been thinking straight, would have probably have questioned the nature of her slipping on the wet tile right onto him. But at the moment, he was kind of close to an attractive girl, and so his only thoughts were focused at her. Why hadn't he noticed some of the things about her before? Her eyes were deeper than they had any right to be.

He was so lost in that thought that he didn't even notice his mask flew off in the confusion.

"You're kind of cute without that stupid mask," she said. His hand ran to his face to check, and sure enough, the domino mask had been flung off. "So, how does it feel?"

"Wh, what?" His hand reached up to touch her arm. He wasn't sure why, but he wanted the tactile pleasure of knowing that this wasn't some daydream. The tactile pleasure soon transformed into tactile shock. Particularly on the part of those dark eyes that were staring into his. Her wrist freed itself of his hand.

Then she punched him into the tile, knocking some of it upwards as he left an indent. His thoughts returned to normal, and he noticed how his brain hadn't been crushed like a grape.

He didn't particularly mind it this time.

"We're back!" Terra exclaimed, "Huh, Bumblebee? Why are you on top of the Team Leader?"

"She's on top of him? I didn't know she liked being on top!" Jinx yelled, leaping in to look at the scene. Bee panicked, standing up.

"No way! This isn't anything like you think!"

"The truth is," Robin said, getting up. "That I –"

"That he's helping me study for the HAT Test. Yeah, that's the ticket. And you can learn a lot about it from someone who's already passed, right?"

"I'm going – what?" A part of him looked over at Bee's smug face. He didn't know what was worse, the lying or the fact that she now had the upper hand.

"Right?" she said, winking at him.

"Uh, yeah. That's right!" Robin said. He'd deal with this whenever he got a chance. But for the time being, he was finally someplace he could call home.

"Hooray! Bumblebee and Robin are friends now. Now we can play!" The boulders came flying around the corner, training in on Robin. He leapt up, being caught on a smaller one, his hand holding on for dear life as it rocketed about.

"Why me!"

XXXXX

"Mr. Slade, the report."

The man named Slade, hiding in shadows, read the report. "So, the Titans have a new leader, and he's a boy. Most interesting. I'll keep my eye on this one."

_TO BE CONTINUED…_

_NEXT TIME!_

_The Love Hina spoof is over. Now Robin's settled in as Team Leader when a space ship carrying two beautiful alien women crashes on the Tower Roof. Robin meets the darkly cute Blackfire while the girls deal with the ever bubbly Starfire._

_And how will one little, innocent gesture put Robin into a life-or-death battle with an alien empire?_

_And what's those two losers, Beast Boy and Cyborg, doing snooping around the tower? There's No Need for Robin next time when he asks someone to…_

_BE MY YOKO ONO!_


	2. Be My Yoko Ono

_2: BE MY YOKO ONO_

_Act 1: If there's someone you can live without, can you do so?_

"Robin?"

Robin looked up to see Bumblebee peeking into his room. The door had been unlocked, and he had expected Terra to come along insisting to play, or Jinx asking for something like a raise, but not Bee. Not at this hour.

"Yeah?"

"Can we talk, just, without fighting?"

"Sure, of course we can!" Robin sat up. "What's up?"

"I'm just, y'know, sorry for the way I treated you earlier," she began, nervously. "I know you didn't deserve it. But I have this, er, temper, and I can't help it. I'm just hoping you can look past it. Maybe?"

"Of course, I owe everything to you, Bee. I really, really appreciate it."

"So, why did you want to become a solo hero?"

"Me?" Robin seemed to think, "I'm not sure. I wanted to be independent I guess. Doesn't everyone?"

"I guess. But, you seem so hopeless at it."

"But I'm not! I really can do it, I know!" Robin looked convinced. Bumblebee decided to let it slide.

"Look, maybe I can help you out a bit. It'll help keep up appearances and just by some miracle you may pass this time. All right? And then you won't really be lying to them anymore." She looked to think, "Look, when we get a free minute, come to my room and we'll study, okay? It'll help both of us."

"Thanks Bumblebee, ma'am," Robin said, saluting.

"Oh, and don't tell anyone. I don't want to imagine what they'll put me through."

"You got it," Robin said. "Not a word."

The morning would bring a surprising change.

XXXXX

Robin was aware of, as he woke up, the presence of an unfamiliar room. It wasn't as in he had only seen it once or twice, he had honestly never seen a room like this before except in horror movies with alien autopsies. There was a bright light that seemed set on cleansing him, and there were two people leaning over him.

"Aww," one said, "He's awake."

"No matter," said the other, "We'll just have to sedate him!"

"I'll get the mallet!"

"M, mallet? What are you doing? This isn't legal!" Robin yelled, trying to break free from his confines. To his surprise, he wasn't tied up at all. The straps were largely for show.

"Uh," Jinx said, poking him. "Are you okay?" He had fallen forward from the overexertion. She just continued poking. "C'mon, say something."

He hopped up, much to her surprise, and began to take a fighting stance, "Who's there! Come and get it!" Jinx pulled down her mask (used for sanitary purposes) and poked him one more time.

"Hey, wing commander, it's us." She was the one Robin had come to fear most. Bumblebee could hit hard, and Terra had her rocks, but Jinx – when she wanted something – could get almost anything to happen. And she did it with a vapid grin in place the whole time. Something about that just didn't seem right.

"J, Jinx, why am I here? Where is here?"

"Here is the Medical Lab, you know, for coming up with antidotes for evil serums and the like," Jinx said. "It's state of the art, and it's got a nifty little table for experimenting on people."

"You were going to conduct an experiment on me?" he asked, incredulously.

"Yes. For science!" Jinx announced. Somewhere in the back room, Terra could be heard echoing it loudly before squeaking and being covered by the sound of something falling.

"For science!" A moment later, she yelled, "I'm okay! Ow!"

Robin wasn't sure what to make of any of this. He just nodded vaguely and backed towards the door. "Well, since I'm awake, I'd better go get to work with leader things, okay? Yeah, well, see ya!" He made a break for the door.

"Hold up!" Jinx yelled, giving chase.

They clawed for the door, Jinx latching onto Robin's leg, and climbing up. The momentum that he had maintained allowed him to pull open the door and collapse, in a knot with Jinx, in the middle of the hallway.

He looked around. It was too much to ask that this not be construed some way other than it is, especially when Jinx was involved. She'd make it look this way, he knew it, even if it was mainly innocent – on his part at least. "And cue Bumblebee turning down the hall." The cue was off by a second, but she turned around the hall at that moment.

"Wh, what are you doing, Robin?" she demanded.

Before he could protest, Jinx began to sob, "He forced me into this room and kept touching me and, and!"

"You pervert!" Bumblebee screeched. He knew the punch was inevitable, so he stood straight and took it like a man. He fell out the window and landed in the river.

XXXXX

"Ara ara," Robin was greeted by the familiar voice of Chu Hui. "Again? What did you do this time?"

"Ah, hello," Robin said, with a wide smile. "How are you doing today, ma'am!

She nodded accordingly, "Ah, I have a rheumatism in my leg and it appears that I have gotten my walking cane all wet from hoisting you out of the lake again. How many weeks has it been? Two, three?"

"Not even," Robin replied. "Still, it was better than yesterday when Jinx decided to try and get me to do her chores for her."

The memory of that embrace was certainly nice, but he wouldn't dwell on it.

"And then she got Bumblebee to think I had performed… unseemly acts to her," he continued. The image of that one was much less familiar. In fact, the pain was still present.

"Ah, you're such a push-over," Chu Hui announced. "Perhaps if you showed a bit more spine the girls would be much more receptive to you. A girl needs a man with a little backbone."

Despite his better judgment, he had spoken before he could even think, "Why's that?" He realized the answer before she said it.

"Why, the spine is very important in strong thrusts of the –"

"That's enough of that!" Robin yelled.

"How rude!" he was hit rather soundly over the head, "You're interrupting an old lady while she talks?"

"You're not supposed to say things like that!" he countered. "What if some little kid had been listening?"

"What did you think I was saying? I was just pointing out that ladies enjoy an athletic gentleman. Why, I remember a boy when I was your age. Oh, he's probably a shriveled prune now." She laughed, "And am I one to talk?"

"You don't look shriveled or very prunelike," Robin said, honestly.

"Ah, but you're a horrible flatterer," Chu Hui said. "Come now, you should be heading back. You know how that Bumblebee gets if you're gone too long."

"Oh yes. Tuesday."

He had gone on a walk that day, and came back to a rather furious Bumblebee. While she hadn't hit him, the look she gave him was the worst. "What if there was an emergency?" she posed hypothetically, he shrugged. Then she ran off. Jinx kept her catlike grin on and snuck away. Terra just giggled manically.

It was the strangest day he had that whole week. And that wasn't even counting the events at the cram school. Beast Boy and Cyborg had been interrogating him for some reason. It's not like he mentioned that it was an all-girls team.

He sighed and proceeded to dry off his clothes as best he could and snuck in the "Boys Entrance" that Bumblebee had been so gracious to lend him. On the plus side, it led into the laundry room.

XXXXX

Terra lay on the couch playing video game half-heartedly. "This is so dull…" she moaned, "When's Raven getting back?"

"I dunno," Bee answered, leaning back, watching her play.

"I hope it's soon! I miss her!"

"Are you sure that's such a good thing?" Bee asked. "I mean, the way you two usually get along."

XXXXX

Raven meditated on this.

But unfortunately, the narration broke her concentration. With a mighty cry, she tore apart the scene, and sent the story back on course.

XXXXX

Meanwhile, something else was happening far above the skies.

This wasn't unusual, of course. There were stars and meteors and the like, but this time there were two ships, one black and one white, that had collided with each other. They seemed made out of the darkest materials, not a gleam of light from any distant star shining their surface.

But the collision had left neither vessel in very good state, and they were hurtling far out of their pilots' control. Towards the blue planet, Earth.

XXXXX

"So," Terra said, "What's your point?"

Bumblebee had just elaborated how Raven had done everything in her power to point out how she could not stand the blonde troublemaker. Everything from ban her from even approaching her room – not that anyone could enter anyway with all the warnings she made – to refusing to bathe at the same time as her, to even saying straight to her face that she did not want anything to do with her.

"Never mind," she responded. "Where is that lazy good-for-nothing Team Leader? Isn't he supposed to assign tasks for the week?"

Terra made kissy sounds as she continued to play her game.

"What?"

"'Where's Team Leader? Where's Robin?'" she mimicked, "That's all you've been doing since he got here. I think someone has a thing for the debonair Robin."

"I, I do not! Forget that stupid, spikey haired, egocentric, perverted, over-testosterone driven male!" She sniffed, "I am an independent woman, girl, and don't you forget it."

"Ohh, that's not what it sounds like!" Terra giggled. "I bet he'd get a kick out of seeing you blush like that."

"I'm not blushing!" she said, but raised her hand to feel her cheeks anyway.

"You checked!" Terra cackled, "You're so gullible! No wonder you fall for the first man who touches you!"

"Quiet you!"

She had just leapt on the smaller girl, when she realized that Robin was watching all of this unfold. If she hadn't been blushing before, it was coming on even stronger. "What are you two doing?" he asked, looking damp from landing in the lake.

"No, nothing!" Bumblebee yelled.

She wound up her fist, only to find Robin blocking it. He smiled nervously, "Uh, Bumblebee, I didn't hear anything. I was just wonder why you're trying to strangle Terra."

"Yay! Robin came to my rescue! My knight!" Terra cheered.

"Stop pretending to be the good guy here!" Bumblebee retorted.

At this point, a spaceship crashed through the roof and dragged Robin with it as it landed off on the other side of the lake.

"Wow, you're good," Terra announced.

"Th, that wasn't me!"

"Weren't you trying to hit him?"

"N, no!" Bumblebee said, "Well, maybe a little. But only because he was being rude…" She sighed, "He just makes me angry, okay?"

"Jealousy!" Terra joked.

"Don't even."

That was when the second spaceship landed on their television. Terra's bloodcurdling scream could be heard for miles.

XXXXX

XXXXX

_Act 2: You can follow me wherever I go…_

"Ow, my head," said the girl. She emerged from the dark spaceship that had crashed on the shore of the lake. She looked like she had just gotten out of one of Jinx's mysterious parties, with the omnipresent hangover looming overhead. "Did anyone get the number of that truck?"

"Hello, Jump City General Hospital, I need a medic," muttered the boy she had crashed into on the way. He looked none the worse for wear, besides skimming water and taking the brunt of the impact when she finally stopped.

"Get up!" she ordered. The guy shook himself up and stood at attention quite quickly. "You're a resilient species on this planet, aren't you?" she murmured. Then she remembered, "Oh please help me!"

Latching herself to him, she began to take on the appearance of a damsel in distress. "Help you? Lady, I think that ship of yours is enough help," he said. "What's wrong, anyway?"

"Oh, this horrible, evil, mean, ugly space pirate is chasing after me. I barely escaped when we entered this planet's atmosphere!"

"What?" Robin's senses jumped to light. There was a damsel in distress, and that's just not fair. "I'll do everything I can to protect you." He held her upright. "Now, tell me what happened. Maybe we can hide you out here. Did this pirate follow you? Is he on Earth?"

"Oh, you're so kind." The girl wiped a crocodile tear from her eye. "My name's Blackfire. I was just minding my own business when out of nowhere this Space Pirate comes ramming my ship. And we fight as best as my itty-bitty ship can, but we were no match for the pirate's ship. And then, he rammed us head-on. And we crashed into this planet. I separated from him during re-entry, but," she sighed, "I think he's here!"

"Then we'll have to find you someplace safe. Now, the Tower should be safest –" he looked over at the smoldering remains of a space-ship that had lodged itself into the living room door.

"That's where… the TV was…" was all he managed to choke out.

"I'm going to say that going there would be a bad idea, right?" Blackfire offered, humbly.

"Uh, yes. If only because Terra is going to be going psychotic." He wasn't very happy about that himself, "How much did that thing cost in the first place?" He would not hear the end of this for quite some time.

"Well, Mister," she said, "I think we should probably get moving because she—I mean this pirate is equipped with a Hunter Class mobile armor suit that I think I just saw skimming across the water at us at high speeds!" Blackfire offered.

"Huh?" Robin was confused. Then he saw the lake being kicked up in the wake of something moving at high speeds. It was black, with a humanoid shape, and carried with it many a ton of weaponry. "Oh, so that thing's a Hunter Class mobile armor suit. Let me guess, it comes equipped with beam cannons, automatic tracking systems, and heat seeking missiles?"

"As well as torpedoes for underwater hunting," Blackfire added casually. "Anyway, I think the safest course of action is to –" Robin had already drawn his weapon and stood awaiting the machine's coming. "— Let you kill yourself, yeah. That one'll work."

"C'mon," Robin beckoned. The Hunter Suit looked at him, then at Blackfire, then back at him. It brought its arm up and swiped him forcefully away.

"I think it's time to fly, Boy Wonder," she said. She ran over to him, picking him up, and ran a circle around the suit before running off into the busy streets. "What sort of heroics was that?"

"I am a hero, it's what I do," he said. "Why does my head feel like mush?"

"Tamaranian Steel, strongest in the galaxy," she said. "It's just not a smart thing to do. You're not going to hurt it and even if you do scratch it, it's more mobile than you think. It just can't turn around very fast."

"I'll keep that in mind," he told her.

"So, what's your name, handsome?" she asked.

"Robin."

"Robin, hm? Love the look. Tres chic," she answered. "So, Robin, while we're running, what's with the big T in the lake? Seems a bit excessive, if you ask me. Is this some kind of Decadent Imperial planet or something?"

"No," Robin said, "Nero burned down the last big one. It's more of a look thing. The Teen Titanesses thought it'd look good to have their initial letter for everyone to see."

"And what do you think of it?"

"It's all right," he answered. "I remember when we hung out in a cave and were the Teen Titans. I was like, twelve back then."

"You must have been cute," Blackfire said, suddenly.

"Uh?" Robin coughed.

"When you were twelve," she said. She looked wistfully, "I remember when I was twelve. I hated every minute of it. My spoiled little sister stealing all the glory just because she could – but that's not important."

"Uh," Robin continued, "Perhaps we should find someplace to hide so we can get a bit better acquainted?"

"Ooh, I didn't know you thought like that!" Blackfire teased. "Where to, Fearless Leader!"

"Don't call me that!"

"I'll call you whatever I want, Baby!"

XXXXX

The robot had jumped out of the ship like a bat out of Hell and rushed across the water. Bumblebee was just too shocked to really say anything. Terra was grieving the loss of the Television.

Jinx came into this scene with her hair in curlers, looking rather annoyed. "Okay, what was that racket? I'm trying to get my 18 hours of beauty sleep here."

"God knows we're still shooting for 24," Bumblebee muttered. "Robin just got hit by a spaceship."

"That's a new one. Hey, what happened to the TV?"

"They killed it! Those jerks must pay for this! You shall be avenged!" Terra pulled her powers forward, a rock flying from the ground to sweep her off her feet. Jinx hopped on.

"Forward march! This shall not stand!" she screamed.

Bumblebee just shrugged. "And maybe, maybe we'll see Robin and he'll be all right. Not that I care or anything."

They arrived to see the robot fall flat on its rear end before dusting itself off and looking around for whatever it had been chasing. It looked in the direction where they could barely see a yellow and black cape flapping into the horizon – Robin.

"It's after the pervert! Get it!" Bumblebee yelled.

"For the 32 Inch Hi-Definition Television Set!" Terra screamed.

"Banzai!"

They hit the robot hard, and felt their bodies crush against its steel skin. The thing began to waver back and forth, the wind pushing it backwards, off balance.

"Oho, what's this," the elderly voice of Chu Hui could be heard to the girls, though they couldn't see her.

All she was holding, though they couldn't see, was a walking staff. She rose it above her head as a makeshift katana and with a mighty blow cut the suit in twine. "Yare yare," she said, dusting her hands off. "That was taxing." She laughed and walked on her merry way.

The suit broke in two as its pilot fell on top of the girls. The weight wasn't so bad.

"Ouch!"

Terra looked at the pilot. "Hey, she can't be older than you, Bee! What's that, ancient?"

She received a slap to the back of the head for her troubles. Bumblebee rose to her feet, "What's the meaning of crashing into our tower?"

"I am so very, very sorry!" the girl said, bowing, "But I was chasing my sister and she rammed her ship into mine and we could not control our descent. Unfortunately, she got away in the ensuing crash."

"Your sister?"

"Yes, the eternally most-wanted criminal, Blackfire. Wanted for the destruction of the Tamaranian royal house and countless lesser crimes through-out the galaxy – " she took a deep breath, "And I had tracked her to this backwater solar system when she ambushed me. I am afraid I have caused much damage in the process. Apologies."

"So, uh," Bumblebee decided to approach this gently, with the girls nearby, "Did you see an annoying pervert guy around here a little while ago?"

"He assisted my sister's escape! I cannot forgive him for that!"

"Calm down, she's probably scamming him. He's got a good heart, he's just none too smart," Bee said.

"Still," Starfire said, "He doesn't know the danger he is in! If she feels she has no more use for him, he may very well be," she gave a nervous gesture, "Disposed of."

"That sounds bad," Jinx added. "Is that bad?"

XXXXX

"So, you're from Tamaran?" Robin asked.

"Tamaran was my home, but it fell onto hard times so I left. I'm still rusty with the language, but I remember briefly how to say hello."

"Really?" Robin was interested. He had never met an extraterrestrial that actually remembered her home language before. "Teach me how to say it."

"Well," Blackfire said. She furtively looked out of their hiding spot. It was a warehouse that didn't offer much protection from a close search, but with a giant mech, her sister wouldn't be able to find her. Unless, of course, she had lost or gotten out of the machine.

"C'mon…"

"I don't know," Blackfire said. "I suppose –" She quickly formed a plan. "Okay, first you have to cross your fingers like this." She made a gesture. "Now wave it from left to right. Then say _Broknar nix Shama_, and clap your hands together and bow." He imitated her quickly.

"How'd I do?"

"Close enough for government work," she answered. "I just hope my dear little sister is okay…"

"Your sister?"

"Why, that nasty space pirate, who no one likes, kidnapped her. Who knows what horrible things he may be doing to her at this very moment! Why, her innocence, it may forever be scarred!"

"I won't let that happen!"

"But there's nothing you can do. The defenses of the Pirate's ship, _Gumba-ro_, are still active and strong. There's no way you could penetrate it alone."

"Then I'll get the girls to help me," Robin said. "Somehow, we'll save her."

"You're so kind," Blackfire murmured. "But I must tell you, this space pirate. He has many powers beyond that. He can fly and shoot bolts of energy from his hands. He's big and strong, too, capable of throwing a _Blakg'nar Humariynd_ ten meters! You couldn't possibly stand up to him, even with your friends."

"I still have to try."

Blackfire peeked out the warehouse again, furtively. She saw the people passing by, and then the crowd parted and her eyes met her sister's. Their gaze was intense, though it lasted only a second, then she turned away.

"I see my sister! She seems to have escaped. Oh, glorious day!" Blackfire said, clapping excitedly.

"But how?" Robin asked. "It's not like she could have beaten a space pirate on her own." Blackfire cursed the persistence of the boy's memory.

"Maybe your friends were with her? I don't know, I don't know what they look like. So, uh, yeah, let's go say hi! Don't forget to show her that Tamaranian I taught you!" she reminded.

Oh, how she hoped this would work.

"All right," Robin said. She could see he was refreshing his memory quick, but he seemed to have retained most of what she taught her.

This would be too good to resist.

"Robin! There you are!" Bumblebee yelled. She ran up to him and tugged his cape, "Don't do that to me again, got it?"

"Don't do what?" Robin asked pathetically.

"Ah, please, Miss Bumblebee, we must find my sister –"

"Oh, you must be Blackfire's sister. I'm Robin, and, uh," he did the little motions, much to Blackfire's delight and Starfire's surprise, "_Broknar nix Shama_." Starfire's hands clenched into a fist.

"_Nix Shama Noy!_" She charged at Robin, her feet lifting off of the ground as she did. Her fist collided with his jaw, and he felt an intense force from her wiry frame.

XXXXX

XXXXX

_Act 3: … to have you hanging on my ankle like some kinda ball and chain._

"Ow!" It wasn't a punch like one of Bee's, but one that really hurt. He slid across the ground and charged back. "Calm down! I was just trying to say hello!"

He dodged the bolts of energy she shot from her hands and jumped up towards her, spinning around with a kick to her side. "I don't want to hurt you."

"What did you say to her, Robin?" Jinx asked.

"I said 'Hello', I think!"

"Can't you use English!" Jinx offered.

"Hey, Starfire, stop hitting my playmate!" Terra yelled. "You're going to hurt him something awful!"

"And that's better than how you play with him how?" Bee yelled. "Stop it Robin! You can't win this!"

"I can and I will," Robin said.

The enraged Starfire struck Robin into the ground then threw him to the side. He almost didn't rise to his feet for a second, but gathered his strength and pushed himself off. The dizziness was only starting to wear off when the flying Tamaranian collided with him, sending him into the side of a wall.

"No you can't!" Bee yelled.

"Go Robin!" Jinx yelled, "Die with dignity!"

"Ohh, Starfire, don't hurt him!"

Robin slid down the wall to the ground below, the starbolts – as they had decided to call those energy balls after a few minutes of the fight – raining down on him. He reeled to the left, one passed by his right. Then one zoomed past his right as he reeled left.

He then collapsed on top of Starfire and spun back to his feet.

"When'd he learn that move," Terra asked.

"Robin! Drunken Fist Kung Fu Master!" Jinx announced. There was general applause from the confused peanut gallery.

Starfire looked confused as she got up, but then she saw Robin dancing from foot to foot, his fists up ready to fight. "Got my second wind, lady." He launched himself in, and much to Starfire's surprise got in a strong left hook.

The look of surprise faded as she grabbed his right and spun him around. She struck with a vicious elbow.

"And now he's lost," Jinx said.

"Hey! Get off of my Robin, you!"

There was a sudden moment of quite – despite the vicious fighting going on – and Jinx and Terra looked at Bumblebee.

They both snuck over and said, teasingly, "Myyyyyy?"

"Oh knock it off!" she screeched.

The fight had culminated into a grappling match. Robin was trying to hold her off, and they tangled through the street until they stopped. Robin was on top. Starfire was gazing up at him. At once, the green glow vanished and her eyes softened as she looked into his. She closed her eyes, "_Grak'thar_."

"Uh?"

She leaned forward, whispering the word again. Robin couldn't really believe what was going on. Her lips softened, his couldn't resist, though every brain cell in his mind told him otherwise. "_Grak'thar._"

She kissed him. Gently at first, then much more passionately. Too passionately, apparently, as Bumblebee, who had until this point been watching in morbid fascination moved to punch the Team Leader into a wall. "Stop taking advantage of innocent girls!"

"Innocent?" Jinx asked, incredulously, "You call that innocent?" she pointed at the Robin shaped imprint in the wall and on the road.

"She's just a confused, lonely girl on a strange planet in the middle of a big galaxy. She doesn't need perverts taking advantage of him."

"Ah, well," Starfire said, hesitantly at first, "But it's not taking advantage. He made a challenge, and I willingly accepted." She blushed, "He's quite attractive, I would say, and that he proposed marriage to me so soon, I just reacted on, what is it called in your language? Woman's intuition?"

"You're –" Bumblebee said, incredulously.

"He is now my betrothed. I am so happy!"

Blackfire meanwhile was using this time to get away. "_Gumba-ro_," she instructed, whispering into a small communication port in her bracer. "Come to me." The ship on the bay began to stir and rise up. Its massive black wings spread out and multiplied. Its massive motion smashed windows as it moved past and loomed overhead.

The Titanesses (and Robin) looked up at the massive construct. "Oh, good. This'll be fun," Terra murmured.

Blackfire waved at her sister as she flew up towards it. "Bye bye, sis! Have fun with the new hubby I found you!"

"Get back here!" she threw a starbolt at Blackfire, who waved it away with a sigh.

"I wish you wouldn't rely on those clichés. Ta ta, Robby, I've got galaxies to terrorize, so please, don't wait up! I hope to be an aunt someday!"

"We need to get on that ship," Robin looked at Bumblebee.

"Whoa, don't look at me, get your girlfriend to lift you up there." She pouted.

"Okay, Starfire. Can you –?"

"I didn't mean literally!" Bee screamed, punching him through the ship's main capsule. Jinx looked to find this hilarious, and put her hand on Bee's shoulder.

"That's one way of getting him up there."

"You're enjoying this way too much," Bumblebee noted.

"Well, I get my kicks out of watching you two flirt," Jinx said. "I think it's something to do with living my life through you." She pointed upwards. "Terra, away! Let's confront the evil space pirate that destroyed out living room and lock her up for grand vandalism television!"

"Roger!" The stones lifted from the ground and lifted her and Jinx upwards. Bumblebee and Starfire flanked them at either side. The ship, its edges glinting, suddenly projected beams of light downwards.

"Evasive action!" Bee commanded. The girls weaved through the laser fire, and regrouped. "Terra, give us some cover fire.

"Roger!" she yelled. Large boulders shot out of the ground towards the ship. The lasers quickly decimated them, but it allowed Jinx to leap onto the wings.

"Button, button, who's got the button," she muttered to herself, looking over the side. "There's no way I can sabotage this effectively. Unless," she looked at her nails, blew on them gently, and then scratched a large dent into the paint-job.

"Aha!" she pried open a panel, revealing a mess of wires beneath it. "Now for a little black magic." The hexes went to work almost immediately. She leapt from the wing to a rock without hesitation as the wing shattered from the force of the backfire. The ship buckled.

"We can enter through the same entry point as Robin. Perhaps he is distracting Blackfire enough that we may storm the ship with little resistance," Starfire suggested.

"Sounds good to me!" Bumblebee responded. "Terra, Jinx, keep these things occupied. We're going in!"

"Don't take too long!"

_Gamba-ro_'s main dome was massive, and the Robin shape hole was barely a dent in it, but it was enough for the girls to sneak through. They had found that Bumblebee's shot was much luckier than it had at first appeared.

Pinned beneath a knocked-out Robin was an equally unconscious Blackfire. They were currently embracing each other with their shock-stiffened limbs. The scene, which Starfire gasped at, led to two very angry young girls staring at two stunned young persons.

Especially after Blackfire murmured, "Oh, Robin…"

"Robin!" Bee yelled.

"Sister!" screeched Starfire.

They looked at one another, shook hands briefly, and at the same time shot out a powerful blast from their respective arsenal.

"Ouch," said Robin, charcoal colored.

"When will the hurting stop?" Blackfire could barely moan.

They were pleased. "Serves him right," Bee muttered.

"Horribly manipulative woman!" Starfire cursed. They seemed content for the time, but they didn't notice that their attack had fried the main console as well.

The loud "Bzz-zap!" was the only thing that gave them a clue that something really, really bad was about to happen.

XXXXX

"So, I guess that turned out okay," Jinx said, looking at the wreckage of the _Gamba-ro_ that had crashed rather conveniently into an empty school. "We won, Starfire's sister is off to jail, we got a new member, and, best of all, school's out forever!"

"I think my leg's broken," Robin said.

"Okay, one bad thing isn't too bad," Jinx said. "Come on, Boy Wonder, buck up!"

"My back," he muttered.

"So, where are your two little girlfriends, anyway?" Jinx murmured. "Terra, let's get this big baby back home. Then we'll take his credit card and go shopping for a new TV!"

"Yay!"

"No!"

XXXXX

"I'm gonna give you one warning," Bee said, "And it's gonna be a good one." She pointed her finger at Starfire, "Just lay off of the Team Leader, okay? He doesn't need to be getting any ideas!"

"I completely understand," Starfire said, bowing. "On my planet, however, it is traditional for the female who objects to the engagement to take the matters to the male. I can of course see that you will not."

"What are you talking about?" Bee screeched, blushing.

"You are quite fond of Robin. I understand completely. But I am also fond of him." She nodded, "I won't give him up without a fight."

To her surprise, Bee found herself saying, "Neither will I," before she could stop herself. She noticed the cocky grin on Starfire's face and realized that it was going to be a long, long year.

XXXXX

Underneath the tower, two figures were sulking about. The smaller one emphatically gestured up at the tower. "I told you! I saw aliens!" Beast Boy insisted.

"Yeah right!" the larger said.

"I did! Really!"

"Next you'll be telling me Robin lives in this place along with a bevy of hot girls," Cyborg retorted.

They both looked to see Robin being levitated into the tower by two girls on a rock.

"I stand corrected." Cyborg couldn't make anymore words, "So, aliens, you said?"

XXXXX

The next morning, Robin woke up to a nice sensation. Someone was breathing ever so gently into his ear. He smiled and turned over, looking straight into the sleeping face of Starfire.

He didn't know what to do, so he did the only reasonable thing, and got dressed and proceeded to shower. He then screamed in the sanctity of his own little bathroom.

_TO BE CONTINUED…_

_NEXT TIME!_

_The ever loving planets align once more as the mystical beauty Raven returns to the Titans Tower. But that's not all that's causing love around town. Who's this mysterious beauty who shows up whenever there's water around? And why is the villainous Kitarou so enamored with her? And how is Jinx's bank account growing so large? The answers to this as well as the question: Can Robin survive a psychic assault this big? Will be answered next time, when Raven tells the team that "YASASHII, II KO NI NARENAI!"_

_Be there!_


	3. I Won't Be a Gentle Girl

Episode 3: _YASASHII, II KO NI NARENAI_

_Act 1: Doo yuu tsumori na no Dattara nan na no_

_Once upon a mid-day dreary, Robin pondered, weak and weary_

_At the unpleasant morning surprise, he was awake long before sunrise_

_And so to class he did away, with eyelids drooping, looping ever still_

_As he prepared to take his practice test among the rest in the gloomy highrise_

_Nestled ever so concretely and discreetly upon the maddening sunrise_

_That tempts our hero ever more._

_---_

_How remote the day before did feel, with Starfire ever near_

_And Bumblebee, the wicked sort, did horrible things to the boy_

_And so with pain in every joint, tearing away his concentration_

_He prepared to take his pen in hand and scribble scrip upon the writ_

_And take with written exorcist of demons in his heart once more_

_Until the Raven, evermore._

_---_

_In the time that this transpires, on a rainy dreary morning_

_Did the Raven return once more to fair Jump City in the sun_

_That blotted out by blackened clouds did to her face a smile restore_

_For without this unfortunate demise of happy light she did surmise_

_That something good should occur this day_

_And she would deal with them nevermore._

_---_

_"An ill omen," she said to those who listened, "Perhaps has befallen_

_The fellows in my homely Tower. Perhaps that Terra has been harmed_

_By some brutish super human thug, with a heart, this sinister bug_

_And deposed of she has been, to some hospital wing to lean_

_Upon the door paralyzed._

_I'd pray for this and nothing more."_

_---_

_The losers did behold their score, while Raven prayed for doom and more_

_Withheld the information from their souls, they knew they failed_

_And how, and why! Poor Robin's heart did shatter in twine_

_At the D that before his eyes revealed the dire shatter style_

_With which his hopes may conspire_

_That it shall happen nevermore._

_---_

_"Come good sir, let us away," said the green and befuddled sir_

_That took with the metallic brother Robin's arms and away with him did fly_

_Did fly away, to far off place, umbrellas in their hands they held_

_And whither searched in yonder place, for a pretty young face_

_To coo and coddle and hope to charm_

_But this would happen nevermore._

_---_

_Rejection did come upon, as asked each "Come away with us and play!"_

_But on this dark depressing day, the answer was simply nay._

_And could but Robin say one thing…_

_"I, uh, guys. Maybe we should quit this."_

_"Ah, he is right!" said the green one so_

_"And how, he is," agreed the metal one._

_"This is getting us nevermore."_

* * *

"That's not what I meant," Robin said, as they approached another group of young girls. They seemed to be excited to see the dark girl that hid in the center of the group. Her eyes were obscured by the cloak that she wore, and she seemed quite angry to be beset upon by the horde of young girls.

Cyborg and Beast Boy found it, however, irresistible.

"How cute!" BB declared. "Hey, girls, wanna go out someplace? Our treat!"

"Beast Boy, don't --!" Robin tried to say, but was stopped by Cyborg pushing him away. (It seems my gift for rhyme has gone into overtime. I think I must decline to write this whole verse in line. I cannot stand to think of what will become of me, should I make this entirely poetry.)

"Maybe a karaoke bar?"

"Get lost!"

"Losers!"

"Aww, don't be like that! It'll be fun!" said Cyborg, unaware of the deadly glare that the girl in the middle had given them. Robin, however, knew that it did not bode well for any of them.

"Guys, let's just go!"

It was too late. Massive energy spiked from the center as the girl's eyes flared red. "Befoulers! You'd dare attempt to take away their innocence? I won't tolerate this." The energy spike was enough to send the boys flying backwards. While Cyborg and Beast Boy got up fast enough to get away, it could be said that living with the Titanesses had made Robin a bit more used to the punishment.

"Listen, I had nothing to do with this –"

"Lies! You shall pay for your impudence!" the girl lifted him up with her hands. He struggled to get free, his writhing accidentally knocking over the hood the girl wore. She looked at him, her eyes losing their demonic edge, and was just shocked for a second.

Then she felt where his hand has ended up after that and the demon returned.

The psychic assault left him in a mess on the ground. He could barely mutter, "The demonic schoolgirl, scary." Then he gave in and let consciousness wipe away.

* * *

"Ah, at last! The waters of the cursed springs of China are in my possession. Among these tainted vials lies the path to true mastery of the forgotten arts!" Kitarou was very, very pleased.

As he had said, he held in his hands a case filled with vials of a strange liquid that looked like water, smelled like water, and probably even tasted like water. In fact, if one wasn't wary, they'd learn the hard way that these were no ordinary vials of water. Inside each molecule there was a powerful Chinese curse leveled on them.

"And now, to make my escape!"

"Hold it right there! Wait, Kitarou, zat you?"

"Jinx? I did not think this was your beat," he said, "Admittedly it is cursed, but it's rooted firmly in the mythology of the Far East which, as you know, is my domain. But being said, you may have what I do not use," he bowed.

"Whoa, whoa, quiet down. They might hear!" Jinx exclaimed. "Look, surrender now or, uh, prepare to fight. Really, no choice in the matter." She assumed a cocky ready stance, "So just surrender, really."

"Oh-ho, what's this? You challenge me to combat? Very well, I will not go easy on you." The battle was over in a single move. Kitarou, his foot moving slowly, knocked Jinx to the ground and pinned her. "You cannot defeat my Taekwando. I have learned from the best."

"That's great, but could you remove your foot from my breast? It hurts, blast you!" She squirmed underfoot.

"Ah, I ask your forgiveness." He removed his foot.

"Sucker!" Jinx laughed. The earth began to quake underneath him. "Now, Bee! Get him!" Terra and Bumblebee leapt at the off-balance martial artist, who blocked their attacks aside with relative ease.

"It will take more than that to defeat me!" Kitarou announced. "Now, allow me to show you the grappling techniques of the renowned anything-goes style combat. Hyah!" He jumped into the air, only to land quite flatly against a tall spike of earth that Terra had conjured.

"Hi-keeba!" Terra screamed. "Take that! And that!" She emphatically pumped her hands forward, as if she were attacking some invisible enemy.

Kitarou slid down the spike, a pained expression on his flattened face.

"Hey, way to go girl. When Robin gets back, we'll go out to celebrate. That really socked it to him!" Bumblebee applauded.

"Isn't this the part where we wait for the police to cart him off?" Jinx asked.

"Want go home! Want watch big monster flat screen HDTV of dreams!" Terra whined. Her arms flailed around as Bumblebee and Jinx tried desperately not to look mortified by the tantrum.

"When will the hurting stop?"

Kitarou still was in a world of pain, so they didn't seem to have to worry too much. "Jinx, take Terra home. I'll keep an eye on him."

"Hey, why don't you get on back, Bee. I'm sure you could use a rest. I'll keep an eye on him 'til the cops arrive."

"You sure? They may not –"

"That's all past! Stop worrying. Go!" Jinx shooed them off.

"Okay, we'll figure out what's with this when we get back to the lab. Just, don't do anything rash. Kitarou's dangerous. He's a master of at least five martial arts, and a novice at a hundred more."

"Hey!" Kitarou moaned, "I know more than that."

"Shut it!" Bee threw a stone at Kitarou. It hit the ground by his head. "Just be careful, okay?"

When they were clear out of earshot she kicked Kitarou rather hard in a sensitive area. "That's for the foot. Now get out of here. And don't come back!" Jinx snarled. He had almost blown her cover!

"I will not cease until I recover my prize, understand?"

"If you do that… Robin'll beat you up," she warned. She yawned, knowing full well Robin could not defeat Kitarou very likely, but still, a little bit of respect for the boy was swelling in her breast.

"This Robin? Is she a strong fighter?"

"He, and yeah. The best of the best."

"Then I must challenge him. I shall look forward to our next encounter. Good day, Jinx." He bowed formally and left in his usual flashy style. Jinx just shrugged and kicked a stone nonchalantly with her feet.

"So, will this one get me in trouble?" She whistled, and decided if she took the long way home she'd be able to see the elephant again, and maybe they wouldn't notice.

* * *

Terra rushed to the door, eager to be home. "Oh, my beautiful TV how I've missed you and what the heck happened to the front door?"

"Close it. Creepy girl will kill me!" Robin's voice meekly spoke from behind her. She looked to find Robin hanging loosely from the ceiling, looking very, very disturbed.

Terra decided to ignore this, just to make sure she didn't offend him. "Hello Robin!"

"Shhh!" he harshly whispered. "She'll hear you."

"Who'll hear me?" Terra asked. "Is this like the time I started a podcast?"

"Robin? What you doing up there?" Bee asked, coming in a second later and closing the door rather harshly on Robin's knee.

"Yow! I'm hiding from the scary demonic schoolgirl!" he said. "She thinks I followed her here and now she's trying to kill me!"

"Why are your clothes sopping wet?"

"Because I ran into her in the laundry room! I didn't know she was there, honest!" Robin prepared for Bumblebee's retribution, but none came.

"I believe you. Demonic schoolgirl. That sounds familiar…"

"There he is! Die, stalker!" The psychic assault carried with it a series of kitchen knives that Robin barely avoided. He looked like a piece of string, so thin and gaunt, fitting around the knives.

The girl who was chasing him was wearing nothing but a towel.

"Raven! You're back!" Terra exclaimed.

"You know her?"

"I thought so. Raven, stop it. He didn't know," Bumblebee said. "Don't worry, he won't try anything. He doesn't have the spine for it." Robin looked vaguely insulted but his survival instincts told him not to say anything.

"But there is a man in our tower! Uninvited!" She crossed her arms. "He saw me like this? I can't let him go without punishment."

"I'm punished enough around here, and I never do anything!" Robin sobbed. It was really just not his day.

"Look, Robin's been through enough already. Let's wait for Jinx to get back and we can discuss what's been going on since you've been gone.

The door slammed open. "I'm home!"

"My kidney!"

* * *

_Act 2: Otoko ka onna ka hakkiri shinasai_

"No way! I can't, I mean, no! No way!" Raven screeched. She was still trying to process what Bumblebee had just told her.

"Sorry, Raye-girl, but that's just the way the cookie crumbles. The pervert here is the team leader, Flamebird's decision. No ands, ifs, or buts."

"Sorry," Robin said, "And I'm not a pervert."

"But, why?"

"He's a Solo hero!" Terra exclaimed.

"Mmhm," Jinx agreed.

"What?"

"Call it instinct, or a woman's intuition," Jinx said.

"And he's Robin!" Terra added.

"Mmhm," Jinx agreed.

"That's not a reason," Raven deflated. "So you're all in agreement?"

"Unfortunately," Bumblebee said. She nodded. "Robin's Team Leader. No questions. Even if logic dictates that he shouldn't even be allowed in the same building. Oh, speaking of that. Where's the new member?"

"She went to the," he groaned, "'Mall of Shopping' to, apparently, 'Convene with the spirits of commerce' and 'Procure the tangy yellow beverage.'"

"Oh, that reminds me," Jinx said, "Who used up all the mustard?"

There was silence as the two thoughts suddenly overlapped. "That makes me sick in my tummy," Terra mumbled. "I love mustard, but drinking it? So much of it, anyway." She looked a little embarrassed suddenly.

"So, Starfire drinks Mustard," Bumblebee muttered. "Didn't notice, Robby?" She looked rather menacing with her eyes turned towards Robin.

This was when Raven decided to get an answer. "Who is this Starfire? A new member?"

"Yeah, among other things!" Jinx exclaimed. She leaned in close, removing pictures from some hidden compartment, "She's also sleeping with the team leader! Explaining why she's rising up the team faster than anyone."

"These pictures, the proof is incontrovertible!" Raven showed the pictures to Bumblebee. Robin shrunk into his seat. Bumblebee glowered.

"I've got more if you want to see them. Oh, these two are just so cute together!" Jinx announced, enjoying the expressions on Bumblebee's face.

"What is the meaning of this?" Raven asked.

"It's…" grit teeth said otherwise, but she attempted to look calm, "…not his fault. This time. He was tricked by a space pirate and now he's…"

"Oh, betrothed!"

"That was really well timed," Jinx noticed.

Starfire put her arms around Robin, "I have returned from the Mall of Shopping with many strange garments that I believe your people call tank tops, for apparently they are tops to the tank of water, perhaps."

"Water!" Terra announced, "Some guy was trying to steal water!"

"Nice transition, Terra. That sounds like something that the Justice League of Superfriends should deal with," Jinx muttered.

"You were there! It was cursed, by some creepy Chinese curse thingie."

"Look," Bee sighed, "It's the Ancient Cursed Springs of China. It's said that there are tragic tales of things and people drowning in these pools and that causes a curse to be placed on anyone who touches the water."

"Anyone?" Terra asked.

"Anyone."

"Robin! Catch!" Terra took a vial and threw it at Robin. He did catch it and the next three – one ever so daintily on his shoe – but the last one beaned him right in the head and he landed face down, unconscious, but not wet.

"Whoops," Jinx said. "Terra, you have to be more careful. Make sure that they're unstopped before you throw them."

"Hehe, sorry!" Terra said, her hand behind her head. "I got it this time!" She unstopped one and threw it. It landed in his mouth, without spilling. "Wow he's good."

The Titanesses, even Raven, grudgingly applauded his feat.

"Seriously, girls," Bee said, "We can't just go around throwing this. What if it really is cursed and he gets turned into some horrible yeti-riding-bull-while-holding-eel-and-crane monstrosity."

"Then we'll use the Spring of the Drowned Octopus to let him live out his creepier fantasies with you?" Jinx suggested.

"You're a bigger pervert than he is!" Bumblebee screamed with her face pink.

"So I am… oh well!" She opened up a vial and began to pour it, "For science!"

"For science!" Terra and Starfire chorused.

"Oh this is going to end in tears."

"What are they doing?" Raven demanded. "This is horrible! I can't watch." She rose from her seat. "Bumblebee, can we talk about this?"

"I suppose," Bee said. "I don't want to see where this is going to end up." The two left the debacle to its own devices.

"Oh darn, I missed," Jinx said, looking rather displeased. "Enough fun for today, I guess. Come on girls. Let's go watch TV!"

"Hooray for television!" Terra announced.

"I wish to watch a program on the various fungal growths of the planet!" Starfire announced. They began to put away the vials.

"Hey, Robin, wake up!" Jinx said, splashing him with water. "Oh, no go, huh? Oh well." She looked at what water she just splashed him with. "Whoops." She was going to be in enough trouble once Kitarou showed up again; she didn't want to get this one blamed on her either. "Toodles!" she said before dashing away like her tail was on fire.

* * *

"I do not believe I understand the story behind this show," Starfire said, munching on popcorn with Terra and Jinx. "Why does the Fonz, the most virile male, not simply eat the lesser Cunningham boy for his impudence? Your Earth ways are so mysterious to me."

"Yes, eating, good!" Jinx said, "We should eat! Let's eat out. Yes, out, every night!"

"Something wrong, Jinxy?" Terra asked. "Are you actually agreeing that the adorable Ron Howard should be eaten? He was Opie, Jinx! Opie! Does that mean anything to you? Does it?"

"It's the beating of that horrible heart!" Jinx screeched.

Then a silence fell among the group. A silence that was only broken by the rather woozy sounds of a young girl wandering down the hall. "I think I'm going to go for a walk, okay?"

Terra, still watching the show, popcorn in her mouth, muttered, "S'k'y," idly and paid no further mind to Jinx's outcry. She swallowed her mouthful and looked at Jinx, "So, you were saying?"

"I was saying how nice it is that we have a black cat in the mortar. Yes, we should go for some amontillado? Yes, sounds lovely. Follow me, everyone! There's a cask in the basement."

"I believe Friend Jinx's guilt for some prior misdeed is attempting to manifest itself," Starfire offered to Terra.

"Wow, that's some deep stuff! Totally metaphysical, man. Ooh, look, there's a shark!"

"Amazing! A shark is a variety of sea creature that is customary to be jumped over?"

"I think so," Terra said, "For some reason, I feel a deep connection to jumping the shark, and yet, I'm not really sure why."

The same voice, this time a little more awake, moved across the hallway, "Sorry, just have to get changed first. I'm wet for some reason."

"That's not healthy," Terra said. "So, friend of yours, Jinx?"

"The monkey did it, I tells ya! The monkey!" Jinx looked at the popcorn. "Ahh! Death!"

"That's just popcorn, Jinx!"

"Oh, right. Sorry, I – there she is, standing without the door!" Jinx pointed. She pointed, amazingly, at the girl who had been just this minute changing. She was dressed in Robin's uniform.

She blinked – at least, they thought she blinked – and then added, quietly, "Who, me?"

Then Jinx fainted.

"I think that gag ran its course," Terra said, cheerfully, blissfully unawares. "So, Robin, what happened to you?"

"I do not believe that is my Betrothed, Friend Terra. He is in fact a she if you are still unawares."

"Oh yeah, I thought the hair color seemed funny. Is she Robin's sister or something?"

"Uh, guys, what are you talking about?" Robin finally noticed the change in his voice. "Ack! Am I coming down with a cold?"

"Uh," Terra muttered. "I think we should get Raven to explain this."

"Why New Friend Raven?" Starfire asked.

"Because it's an amusing transition!"

* * *

"I have experience breaking horrible news to people," Raven explained to Starfire, "I think I can do the same for this male." Robin looked at her cockeyed.

"Horrible news?"

"Robin," Raven said, taking a deep sigh. "You're a woman. How you became a woman, I cannot say. Where your male hormones have gone, no one knows, but in your body they are not."

"I'm a _what_!"

"That was truly an amusing transition," Starfire agreed, wholeheartedly. "But now, we must figure out what to do about this condition before he is unable to produce offspring. I do not think I could live with such a shame." Terra patted her back. "Perhaps we should see if we can figure which vial contains a curse that would nullify this one!"

"Probably," Raven groaned. "You do what you want."

"Excellent. Come Terra."

"Aww, but I wanted to play dress-up with Robin!"

"I'm not a real girl!" Robin yelled. It turned into a screech, which then turned into a siren. He responded by a meek peep, and blushed. But the siren continued regardless.

"Girls, we've got a big problem!" Bumblebee's voice came over the intercom. "Report to the evidence room, pronto."

"You heard the lady," Terra said. "Hi ho, silver! Jitterbug! Rumba!" There was a moment's pause, and Raven rolled her eyes upward to glare at the petite blonde.

"Why are you hopping onto my back?"

"Giddy-up!"

"I'm not a horse!" Raven answered. "Get Jinx to be your playmate."

"But she's passed out in the living room. Something about standing without a door, which is just weird since he was in the door but he was a she."

"What are you blathering about?" Raven said. "Starfire, take her, please. I can't stand this anymore." She foisted Terra off on the alien. "Let's just go to the evidence room and pray that we can figure out what's wrong with this curse."

She vanished into the floor.

Starfire stared at Terra, who was looking very upset at being rebuffed by Raven, and hopped onto her back. "Hi ho, Silver! Jitterbug! Rumba!"

"Ow! My back!" Terra screamed.

* * *

Robin was halfway up the stairs when the kettle hit him on the head.

He then, soaked and boiled by the water, burst into the evidence room. Bumblebee and a man in an expensive looking Chinese number were facing off. "Robin, good to see you!" Raven emerged from the floor, and Terra, back weary from carrying Starfire, stumbled into the door last.

"The Titanesses and this… Robin I've head so much about. What a pleasure it is to finally meet you, and also, to destroy you. I do not know where you've hidden my prize, but I will soon rediscover it." He pointed at Bumblebee, "I will show it to you again. The Anything Goes Item Toss!" He threw a random assortment of items, including a kitchen sink at Bumblebee.

She dodged between them, and stuck out her tongue. "Ha! Missed!"

"Do you believe I, the mighty Kitarou, would be so cocky to presume you would just stand still? Ha! Foolish!" He whipped around his bo in a threatening manner. "Shinmei Ranbu! The God's Cry Dance!"

The God's Cry Dance, as he called it, was blindingly fast. He seemed to be in two places at once, fists and feet dancing between her. She held her hands to block, but felt herself being pushed back regardless.

"A little help, here?" Bee screamed.

"Ask and you shall receive," Raven said, her deadpan careful. She took the bo from Kitarou's hand, engulfing it with her psychic aura, and spinning it around menacingly. "If you're going to announce your attacks, do so after you've done them!" She aimed a blow at Kitarou's head, but to her surprise he blocked it.

"I laugh at your jest. But this time I shall turn my rage towards you!" He paused, looking at the serious expression on Robin's face. "Hold it. You wish to battle me in an honorable battle, do you not? So be it! We shall begin this battle with the utmost of respect. No interruptions, merely our fists."

"Agreed," Robin said. He was busy judging the style. "Whenever you're ready."

"We must first greet one another in the proper way!" He bowed. "Osu."

"Osu," Robin muttered. What was with this guy? "Now?"

"Now!" He moved to his stance, "A prediction. This match will end in three moves." Robin had already moved to attack, his fists blurring with the speed at which they moved. The attacks were parried expertly by his opponent's movements. "Predictable!"

The double fisted thrust pushed Robin back, but he recovered quickly.

There was whispering from the peanut gallery. "Silence!" Kitarou yelled, his hand thrusting forward to disperse the others. "This match must be done in silence."

"What a jerk," Terra whispered. The others silently agreed.

"That was your first move. Do not waste your next two. Afterwards, this match shall end."

"Whatever." Robin struck with his fist, then his leg swept towards Kitarou. The martial artist dodged these attacks, but did not foresee the next motion. Robin leapt into the air and grabbed onto his head, spinning it around as he dismounted.

There was some cheering.

"He's not that great," Bee muttered.

Kitarou rubbed his neck and leapt to his feet. "Oh, you are very good, but you're one move down, and one step further from victory. Behold the secret techniques of the mythical Hiryuu School of martial arts." His hands moved in a blur, "Kokoryu Damashii!"

That's when the room decided to collapse in on itself.

"What's going on!" Bee screamed.

"I think this is what they call a gravity sink," Raven muttered. "Whatever this idiot is doing it's creating a disturbance in the gravity of the entire planet."

"It's like some kind of bad video game!" Terra added. Raven groaned. "Well, it is!"

* * *

And now for something completely different.

"Okay, I passed the bar, I am standing here behind the bench, I have a guy here glaring at me. How did I end up in this mess? Isn't this Robin's job, anyway?"

Cyborg was not pleased. Nor should he be. The situation he found himself in was not exactly the most pleasant. Beast Boy, who had decided to side-bar for him, despite the fact that he had no idea about law and he was the one under trial, was making funny faces at the judge.

The judge seemed to find this amusing.

"Anyhow. The trial of Garfield Logan is now in session. The Prosecution may now make its opening statements."

The Prosecution was a rather chunky individual. "Thank you, your honor. Now, as you may or may not know, I have learned everything I know about law enforcement through television. Law and Order taught me to prosecute. I know what I'm doing. And the defendant is clearly guilty of all charges against him. Whatever they may be. We never do get into that in the shows, probably because it's so boring."

"Oh, goodie."

"Give 'em heck, Cyborg!" Beast Boy said.

"Hmm, is that all? Very well. The Prosecution may call its first witness."

"The prosecution calls the defendant, Garfield Logan, to the stand."

The audience made some noise. They seemed excited by the Prosecution's first move – either that or they were all asking simultaneously what sort of name Garfield was.

"Name?"

"Beast Boy."

"Name."

"Beast. Boy."

"Occupation," the prosecution said, giving up.

"Beast Boy."

"Okay. Moving on." He slammed his bench hard, causing his badly cared hair to bounce up and down. "Witness, testify as to what happened on the day in question."

"What day in question, dude? You're being so vague. Do you even know that this is even about?"

Cyborg knew. Two days ago a girl Beast Boy had been seeing vanished. She was found dead yesterday, and Beast Boy was arrested. Without Robin around, it became his job to find a lawyer. And by some quirk of fate, it turned out that he was it. Now, standing where he was, Beast Boy posed the greatest threat between freedom and a guilty verdict.

"I believe the Prosecution refers to the date of the disappearance of Miss Bloque."

"Yes, of course, that's what I mean!" the Prosecutor said, sweating profusely. He pointed accusingly at Beast Boy, "Now Testify!"

"How did this guy pass the bar?" he asked in a harsh whisper.

_WITNESS TESTIMONY_

"Well, let's see. I was eating breakfast. So yeah, that's normal. Uh, then I went to cram school, then I was busy stalking our friend Robin who has been acting weird lately, believe you-me."

"Anyway!" Beast Boy cleared his throat.

"I didn't see nothing."

- - - -

"Is that all? Well, the Defense can start its cross examination."

Cyborg just couldn't believe it. He was so obviously lying. "Why are you doing this to me, Beast Boy. Let's see. You were eating breakfast?"

"Yep!!"

"Objection!" Cyborg said.

"Objection!" retorted the Control Freak. "On what grounds?"

"On the grounds that my client is lying, obviously! He's not normal, in the least. And furthermore, in all the years I've known him, he doesn't eat breakfast!"

Beast Boy yelped. "Geez, man. I thought you were here to prove me innocent, not turn me into a lying liar-face."

"Your Honor, I'd like my client to give an actual testimony, this time with facts. He's a bit nervous and a compulsive liar." Cyborg sighed. "Let's try this again, BB. Tell me the truth this time."

"Fine, fine. Party pooper."

* * *

The room was collapsing in on itself.

"This is just how I wanted to die, crushed into a quantum singularity. Thanks, guys," Raven said.

"Feel free to help any time, team," Robin muttered. "I'm not a one-man army."

"You sure make it look easy, though," Terra said. "Teach me how to be so cool, Robin. Please? I'll be your best friend forever!"

"Don't do it, it's suicide!" Jinx yelled.

"I agree," Raven said.

"Second that," Bumblebee finished. "Anyway, Raven, can you please stop us from being crushed by a gravity well?"

"Do I have to?" Raven asked. She sighed and allowed her psychic aura to extend outwards towards the small ball that Kitarou conjured. "Azarath." The aura clamped down on the katamari. "Metrion." The gravity well began to weaken, and the room began to straighten itself out again. "Zinthos." The well was destroyed in a flash of light that knocked everyone back against the walls.

Things fell from the skies. A large statue of a spider hit Bumblebee on the head in a fit of irony, while a bucket fell from the ceiling and onto Robin's head.

"I think I hate this room." Raven said.

"You hate every room," Terra answered.

"That is so true." Raven seemed please with this. "So, everyone in one piece?" Raven checked herself over quickly. "Yes."

"I am also all right!" Starfire announced.

"Did I say I cared?" Raven answered. "So, who is this guy, and who let him watch that martial arts marathon when he was in preschool?"

"If but we knew the answer. His name's Kitarou, though. He's kind of a petty thug with delusions of grandeur," Jinx said. "You know. Like all the villains we face. Only this guy considers himself a super skilled martial artist, and you know what they say about mind over matter."

"Matter beats mind," Terra laughed.

"Oh, look. Robin's all wet again."

"Who leaves a bucket just hanging from the ceiling anyway?" Robin screeched. He was not in a good mood, now that he was a she again. "Can we please find the antidote to this before too late?"

"Who leaves statues hanging from ceilings?" Bumblebee asked, disoriented.

"I am sorry, on both accounts!" Starfire said.

"It's okay, Star. Wow, I'm seeing double," Bumblebee said. "Maybe I should go to the medical room."

"No!" Robin squealed. "Medical room is bad. Very bad."

"I'll take her, don't worry. I don't let Tweedle Dum and Dumber here take over the medical room when I'm around."

"I am forever in your debt," Robin said. "Now, to finish this guy." She took a horse stance and waited for him to get up.

"Kick him when he's down! Do it!" Terra grinned evilly, "Kick him in the gonads!"

"Terra!" Starfire was shocked, "Such language!"

"Tee hee!" Terra stated. There was nothing innocent in her tone. Robin groaned. She did not need the peanut gallery right now.

"It's not honorable, Terra. I don't want to sink to this guy's level." She took a preemptive step, but Kitarou was off of his feet as soon as he got to them. His descent was followed with a swift kick to the head that Robin barely deflected.

With a right thrust, Robin had Kitarou on the defensive and continued to strike. Kitarou's blocking was slower than before, but Robin did not guess why. There was a strange look in Kitarou's eye.

"What? What are you looking at?" Robin realized he wasn't looking at his face, but… "You, you pervert!" She kicked high. He lodged himself into a small hole between shelves, looking not so comfortable.

"Wow, nice! You did a dead-on impression of Bumblebee!" Jinx said.

"Yeah! Yeah!"

"It was most accurate. Especially the girlish squeal," Starfire agreed.

"Yeah! Yeah!" Terra was very enthused, but Robin didn't know why.

"Geez, can we get this thing cured today, please? I don't think my equilibrium can handle it. My center of gravity just shifted again."

* * *

_Act 3: Read from the right: Bakabakabakabakabaka _

"You're an idiot, Robin," Raven said.

"I know you don't like me, but do you have to be so mean about it?"

"Yes," Raven responded. "So, hot water turns you back, that's at least a temporary fix. Stop whining."

"I'm not, but this is a weakness I don't need. If I can't keep my balance, I'm pretty useless."

"Big time Mr. Hero," Raven muttered. "Always have to be on top."

"I don't mind being on the bottom every now and then, just not when I can help it," There was a pause.

"What are you talking about?" Bumblebee said.

"Nothing!" Robin screeched. "Raven and I were discussing our ideas on team leadership, right Raven?"

"No. Fearless leader here is cursed –"

"—With a bad cough," Robin finished for her. Bumblebee rubbed her head. "Are you okay, you took a big hit there."

"I just konked my head. I'm more worried about you now. Your voice sounded funny a little while ago. And what does hot water have to do with a cough? And back to what?"

"You heard all that?"

"It's bad to sleep after a hit to the head," Raven answered. "So she heard most of what we were talking about. You're in the medical room, remember?"

"Drat," Robin said.

"But I suppose I can't tell you what's going on, Bumblebee. The supreme idiot here doesn't want to talk to you about his current… sexual problems."

"Great! Now you're acting like it's something seriously wrong with me."

"Your hormonal imbalance is a problem for your balance, you said so yourself!"

"Maybe, but I don't think Bumblebee wants to hear about it. And you make it sound like I need ED medication!"

"I would say you have the ultimate problem there."

Bumblebee had enough, "Stop it! I don't think I even want to know. I'm feeling better now, Raven. I'm going to see what's on the TV and then get some food."

"Whatever."

"Robin, if you feel like talking about it…"

"Thanks Bee."

Raven shot him a look when she left the room. "I see how it is."

"What?"

"Don't you dare try and steal her honor," Raven said, crossing her arms. "Bumblebee and I are the only sane members of this team and I don't want to have her going as nuts as the rest of the team."

"The team isn't nuts. Terra's just hyperactive, I have a friend kind of like her. Jinx is a bit lazy, but she comes through in a pinch. And Star's nice."

"I'm sure you think so, but don't think I'm a member of your personal little harem."

Robin nearly had an aneurysm. "Is that what you think is going on? No! I'm serious. My friend said that you needed a team leader and I came along thinking it would be good to get some experience leading. She just neglected to mention the all-girl part. If it weren't for Chu Hui, I would have gone nuts a long time ago."

"Chu Hui?"

"She's the nice old Chinese lady."

"Hmm, Chinese you say? Would you say natively from Jump City?"

"What? No. She has a thick accent. Why?"

"We're going to visit her."

"Oh, goodie."

* * *

"I don't know why I agreed to this," Jinx said. "You know my situation, so stop trying to get me into major trouble."

"I know also that there are concerns that you are too deep," Kitarou said. "However, I did not come here to ask about your situation. There are accords, by the HIVE and the Superhero Union that allow for civil discussion, there will be no problems."

"Fine. What is it."

"Who is that vision of beauty!"

"What?"

"The ceiling borne masked girl," Kitarou continued. "The one with the radiant fire of youth, the bright pink hair that screams her innocence and yet a fierce stare that shows her passion. She is like a haiku."

"Oh god."

"Like summer and wind

She appears before me bare

Without –"

"Shut up!" Jinx sighed. "You mean… oh! You mean her." She had a sly smile. "Well, Kitarou, there's only so much I can say. The identity's secret, but I can tell you her name is…" she thought up some birds. "Cardinal."

"Cardinal? A lovely name. I can see spring in her eyes!"

"How? She wears a mask!" Jinx wanted to scream. She retained her composure. "But I can, for a price, get you some… pictures."

"I must have them!" A lot of money suddenly appeared on the table. "Show them to me." Jinx smiled.

"Here," she said. The pictures she had of this female Robin were only few and far between, but she was sure she could get more. "Very impressive, isn't she?"

"Her stances are perfect. She has mastered the arts, hasn't she?"

"I guess so," Jinx smiled. "Say, I can get more pictures, but I'd need a forward for them. How much do you want them, Kitarou. Make me happy."

"Jinx, you are a shrewish sort. Miyamoto Musashi does not need material wealth for happiness, and neither do I. I will give you as much as you ask." He paused, "Within reason. Pictures are not ancient scrolls of the Shinto Monks."

"Fine, fine. How about twenty bucks down for a set of five pictures and I'll take another twenty when I deliver them. Good?"

"It is agreeable. However, though I come unarmed, know that Musashi broke an oar to break Kojiro. Do not betray me, Jinx."

"Whatever. Who is this Musashi guy anyway? Didn't he create Super Mario?"

* * *

Beast Boy was testifying again.

"So, Robin's been acting funny recently. I was worried, so Cyborg and I followed him that day. I didn't actually see her since early that day at Cram School. She gave out lunches at the building, so I started putting the ole Beast Boy charm on her."

"Objection. Beast Boy doesn't have any charm."

"Sustained."

"Thanks a lot, Cy. Okay, so I asked for her number a couple weeks ago and she thought I was kind of cute. That better?"

"Much," Control Freak said.

"You know, you look really familiar. Weren't you on TV for something?"

"Please, just testify," the judge said, tiredly.

"I talked to her a bit, but she said she was busy anyway. I didn't see her again, until I heard what happened."

"I see, that's much more informative than your first testimony. The Defense may not begin its cross-examination."

"Hooray." Cyborg did not look forward to this.

--------------

CROSS EXAMINATION

Cyborg pushed a bit more on the Cram School, first. "So, what did you do there?"

"I was supposed to study, but I was more interested in trying to get her to go on a date with me, a real date-date. I guess that's why I was the first guy they asked about this. But…"

"Objection!" Control Freak said, "The defendant is speculating."

"Beast Boy," Cyborg said, "Just stick to what happened, okay?"

"Sure, Cy. Anyway, I wasn't seeing the victim, just… interested in trying to."

"Hm, I see." He decided to push it a bit further. "Did you know if she was currently seeing anyone?"

"Objection! Relevence. She was not seeing anyone at the time, according to her family and friends."

"Your Honor, Beast Boy isn't exactly of the normal clique, maybe he heard something from her."

"Uh, actually, I got the feeling she was. But that's kind of speculative."

"Please, go on," the judge said.

"She mentioned someone that was pestering her. I thought it was me, but she said it wasn't when I asked. I'm not some sort of creep!"

Control Freak looked very, very surprised at this. "Someone? She said that?"

"Yeah, she did."

"This is important. The witness will testify on this conversation."

"Okay, okay. Keep your beard on!"

* * *

Robin didn't get out the door before a bucket of water splashed him with cold water. She was now very irritated by the culprit, a very happy looking Jinx. "Smile!" she said. And there was a click and a flash.

"What are you doing?" Raven asked.

"I'm working on very important research. Of the highest importance."

"Well, do it elsewhere." She grabbed a kettle from the kitchen and poured its contents on Robin. "There, let's go."

"So! Hot!"

"Stop your belly-aching." She sighed, "So, what is she up to now?"

"What do you mean, now? I thought she was always a little bit mischievous. She and Terra always have some kind of scheme for making quick cash or causing me embarrassment or pain."

"There's more to Jinx than that. Her bad luck powers are only the beginning of what's bad about her. Flamebird let her join, but I don't think she's really any good."

"Why not?"

"She used to be part of the HIVE?"

"The HIVE? You mean the regulatory committee for supervillain ethics and behavior?" Raven nodded. "But that would mean she was –"

"A supervillain. Very good, you get the cookie."

"So, she switched sides?"

"That's what she says."

"You don't believe her."

"You must be a detective," Raven moaned. "Look, I don't really like how she makes spare cash by selling pictures of us to fans and some of the weirder villains."

"That's not technically illegal, unless –"

"Not that kind of picture!" She frowned, "What a pervert."

* * *

"That is a nasty curse, young man," Chu Hui observed the change in body with her own two eyes, and besides blaming it at first on cataracts, she was mostly down-to-earth about it. "Been traveling China, have you?"

"Not since I started High School," Robin admitted.

"So, this girl thinks I may know something about the curse, does she?" Chu Hui observed her, and poked her with her walking stick. "Needs more sun, she does."

"I don't judge you while I poke you with sticks, do I?" Raven said tiredly, "No."

"Well, she is, by some degree of fortune, right. I do know of this curse. There are ancient training grounds in China that a sect of monks cursed. Anyone who drowns in those pools will forever curse them. And time and tide, being what they are, the curse becomes less precise over time."

"Explaining Girly-Boy," Raven said.

"Hey!"

"Exactly."

"Hey! You too?" Robin sighed. "I just want to get this thing resolved before Jinx takes anymore pictures of me. Who knows who she's selling them to."

"From what you have described, I am sure the waters are labeled in their native dialect, find the vial with the name I have written down and you should be all right."

The name was written summarily down in her best calligraphy.

"I can't tell this from anything!" Robin complained.

"You will be able to tell if it has worked. If not, just try again, eventually you will find the right one. I just hope I have narrowed it down just a little. Jusenkyo is not a type of curse one can hope to cure so quickly. One can draw out such a curse over many, many years and many redundant incidents can torment the cursed individual. Incidentally, you are not afraid of cats, are you?"

"No! Why?"

"No reason, boy. No reason."

* * *

Bumblebee sat up. "Robin's been acting weird."

"He's been a real girl recently, I'm sure he just needs time to sort out his pieces and he'll be better," Terra said, nonchalantly. "I know I'd be crazy find out I was manly."

"Terra, do you know more than you're telling me?"

"Maybe?" Terra responded.

Bumblebee sighed. "I'm too rough on him, right? That's why his backbone is made of jelly, I guess."

"Nah, I think Team Leader likes it rough," Terra grinned. "But that's not what's wrong at all. I mean, it's probably Jinx's fault."

"She cursed him?"

"No! Well, I guess technically. Well, remember those vials Kitarou was after?"

Raven took this time to enter the building, "I'm going to borrow some of the vials, okay?"

"Sure, Raven." Bumblebee thought, "The cursed spring water? What about it? We've got it tightly under key."

"Well, we did after we discussed it for a bit. And Jinx and I played around with Robby, and I guess somehow some of it got on him."

"Oh no. He's turned into a duck, isn't he?"

"A duck? What?"

"Thanks, I found them. I'll be back in a bit."

"Sure, Raven," Terra said. "But really? A duck? Why'd you think it's a duck? I'm sure a lot more could pop into your head right away, but a duck?"

"Well, I've been seeing this duck around recently, and I just assumed –"

"No! Robin's turning into a girl a lot! Nothing near as bad."

"Oh, right. That would explain the sexual confusion – a girl! This is perfect! We won't have to worry about a boy leading our team."

"Well, you better go stop Raven then. I think she's working on getting him back to normal. And I thought you liked him."

"I, I do, I guess. But not like that! Oh no! Not at all!"

"I can tell you're lying!"

"Shut up!" Bumblebee crossed her arms angrily. "So, let's go stop Raven from uncursing Robin."

* * *

"Okay, this is it," Robin announced happily. "It matches the script perfectly. And after that incident with the Spring of the Drowned Whale, I think it's best to be safe and keep that Drowned Girl one over there so I don't, you know, almost die again."

"Sorry. It was smudged."

They opened the vial. However, nothing can ever be that simple. "Put down that vial." Bumblebee was holding her buzzers. "These are set to stun, but they still hurt like your butt after I kick it."

"Uh?" Robin paused. He looked at Raven, who rolled her eyes.

"Why?"

"I thought you'd be all for a girl leader for our team, Raven."

"Meh, I was bored. Besides, I have the right vial right here, he was just going to get himself wet anyway." A vial was revealed from beneath her cape.

"What?" Robin was not happy to hear this. "Bee, I don't want to be a girl. It makes me feel weird and my center of balance is off and I can't think straight."

He heard the click and whirr of the stingers.

"I wasn't going to say anything sexist!" Robin yelped. "Come on, please?"

Bee looked at Robin, then at Raven. "Give him the vial."

"Aww, I'm going to miss Girl Robin!" Terra whined.

"No."

"What was that?" Robin asked.

"You said what now?"

"I said no. I think he should suffer." Raven vanished into the ground. Bee rushed over to where she was.

"How'd she do that?" Robin asked.

"She never said how she did what she did, just that she can," Bee admitted. "Okay, where could she have gone. Terra, get Starfire and Jinx, we need to get that vial back."

"Thank you!"

"And don't think you're getting this for free."

"Super."

* * *

Robin was not having a good day of this. Just when they had found Raven, things had gotten worse. For one thing, he was now a girl. For another thing, Jinx had taken the vial and gone running with it, snapping pictures the whole while.

Raven looked to Robin who looked to Bumblebee who looked to Terra, who looked to Robin who looked to Starfire.

"Get her!"

The chase led through the kitchen. Jinx tip-toed across the counter top, throwing a cutting board at Robin.

She caught it and threw it aside. Raven meanwhile appeared in front of Jinx, blocking her path. "I'll take that."

"Nuh-uh!" Jinx said. She pulled Raven's cowl over her eyes. "Ta ta!"

"This isn't going good," Bee muttered.

"Bee, lead her to the elevator. Starfire, go downstairs and I'll cut her off if she goes upstairs," Robin said.

They broke and went to their task. Bee chased her, stinging her feet, while Starfire flew out the window and through the front door. Robin, meanwhile, was waiting for her by the elevator.

Jinx ducked into the elevator, and pressed the up button.

"You know," she muttered, "This wasn't the best idea." She tapped her foot as it slowly climbed to the roof.

Robin meanwhile ran up the stairway to the same destination. They arrived on the roof at the same time. "Okay Jinx, just give me the vial."

"No! I'm making good money off of you. Plus you look cute, you should go into modeling and make a mint."

"I don't want to be a girl, Jinx. Just stop it."

"Give me two more pictures and I'll let you." Robin groaned and agreed. "Okay, play the camera. Oh, behave!"

"I'm not doing anything," Robin said.

"Well, then, do something. I need to make these worth forty bucks." She took a shot at Robin's incredulous expression. "So cruel. Now, pout!" Robin groaned. "Beautiful. Okay, I'm done. Here you go."

Crack.

"Did you hear something?"

More cracking sounds could be heard along with an annoyed grunt. The two of them went to the direction of the sound, but as they were looking down, darkness engulfed the vial and it lifted out of Jinx's hand. "Hey!" She turned around to see who had done that, when a kick to her back knocked her to the edge of the roof.

Raven pocketed the vial, and looked at what had hit Jinx.

Robin was distracted with something else. The individual who had done that had taken her hand and began to wax poetically, poorly, in haiku.

"Kitarou," Raven surmised. "What are you doing?"

"Ah, another distraction. I am speaking to the ceiling-borne kettle girl, and I do not need buzzing in my ears."

"The what now?" Robin asked.

"Begone," he clenched his fists together, "Shinkuu Toraken!"

"What did I say about calling out what you're going to do?" Raven said, swatting it aside. The next attack came immediately afterwards. A flying kick.

"Ryuujin Kyaku!" he said, after it had clearly connected, sending Raven flying. The vial flew out of her cloak and into Kitarou's hand. "A vial of manhood, fascinating. However, it is not the Spring of the Drowned Monk, and as such, I have no such use for it." He tossed it aside. "Now, my fair maiden…"

"You just attacked my friends! Why are you hitting on me?"

"Because you are the paragon of strength, of the Nadesico Michi. I must have you for my own!"

"Okay, you're just creeping me out. For one thing, I'm a guy!"

"Nobody's perfect," he answered.

"Okay, that's it." Robin kicked up to Kitarou's face. The man was stunned, and as he tried to move, he found himself collapsing. Robin brushed her hands off and looked for the vial. He found it clinging to the edge. Alongside it, were two sets of hands. "Jinx! Raven!" He grabbed Jinx's hand and helped her up."

"Aw man, you knocked out my patron. And wow, did you do a number on him!"

"Raven, take my hand!"

"No."

"You're going to fall."

"I don't care. I won't accept your help."

"Oh for the love of – stop that Raven. I'm sorry I'm not what you expected but I've got to do my job and make sure you're all safe, because this is my team, and I'm the leader!" She seemed to hesitate and then took his hand. He pulled her up and then went for the vial.

It began to tip and fall.

"Oh no!" Jinx said, running for it.

"I've got it!" Robin said, grabbing it. Only it was too late, and Robin and Jinx both went crashing down into the lake below.

Down by the lake, Starfire, Bee, and Terra were all watching. The big splash was the first sign, the second was a very loud curse from Jinx.

The two of them swam around, and then noticed their wallets floating about. "Oh no!" They grabbed at them quickly, and pocketed them before anyone noticed. "That was a bad fall," Robin said.

"Very," Jinx muttered. "My ears are popping."

"Jinx! Robin!" Terra was flying overhead with two rocks flattened off for them. "I'm here to rescue you!"

"Couldn't you have caught us?"

"No," Terra said. "Now, are you going to take the ride or are you swimming the five meters back?"

"I'll take the ride," Jinx said.

"I hope Raven's all right. She's still on the roof with the knocked out bad guy. And when I get in I'm uncursing myself and no one better stop me."

"Aye aye, boss," Terra said.

* * *

"So, Robin's back to normal," Raven said.

"That's right. I feel really bad for trying to keep him like that, though," Bee said. "He's not so bad when you get to know him."

Raven nodded in a non-committal manner. "I guess we should be thankful he's actually a good leader."

"And very good at surviving large falls. I hope Jinx is okay. She landed pretty hard."

"I don't trust her."

Robin sat in his room beneath them, at this time, looking at his wallet. He opened it up and his eyes widened.

"I know you do," Bee said. "But she's been a good teammate since she joined. And she seems to like Robin enough."

Jinx looked at her wallet, checked to make sure her ID card was still in place.

"For now," Raven admitted, "But somehow I don't know how far we can trust her."

Robin looked up at the ceiling. "Raven was right…"

_The Good Ship Lollipop may be heading to the candy shop, but no such luck for the intrepid team. Somehow, they are stranded in space with a limited amount of air and an unlikely amount of difficulty. Also, what is it that Robin knows about Jinx that the others don't!_

_Furthermore, how are they going to explain why they're stranded in space in one episode without relying on clichés or explosive decompression? All this and the unlikely continuation of Cyborg: Ace Attorney – next time! It's a fantastic SPACE ODDITY_


End file.
